What If You’re the Leader and You’re the One Feeling Lost?

Over the years, I’ve coached hundreds of leaders: first-time managers, seasoned executives, even CEOs. And I’ll let you in on a secret:

Some of the best leaders I’ve ever worked with have quietly admitted…they’re not sure what they’re doing.

Not in a self-deprecating, “aww shucks” kind of way. In a raw, honest, sometimes tearful kind of way.

One senior executive looked at me across the Zoom screen and said, “I feel like I’m faking it. I have no idea what I’m doing.” Another paused during a session and whispered, “I’m supposed to be the one with answers. But right now? I’m the one who’s lost.”

These are high-performing, respected leaders; smart, driven, deeply committed. But they’re also human. Behind the titles and the calm exteriors, they’re carrying the weight of uncertainty, pressure, and doubt.

Most leadership advice assumes you’re steady. Clear-headed. Calm. That you know the way forward and can guide others there.

But what if you’re not?

What if you’re the one feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or unsure? What if you’re trying to lead a team through disruption… while navigating your own?

That’s not a hypothetical. It’s a reality I hear from leaders almost every week.

“I know I’m supposed to be the steady one…” That’s what a leader told me recently. They were leading a high-stakes transformation project. Expectations were sky-high. Their team was anxious, and so were they.

They weren’t sleeping. They were second-guessing decisions. And they felt immense pressure to hold it all together for everyone else.

There’s a name for that feeling: emotional labor. And leaders are carrying a lot of it right now.

Leadership Doesn’t Mean Having It All Figured Out

Let’s normalize this: You can be a capable, courageous, effective leader and still feel uncertain.

Especially now.

With economic anxiety rising, markets in flux, and teams stretched thin, even the most grounded leaders are feeling wobbly. But that doesn’t disqualify you from leading.

In fact, how you lead through your own uncertainty may be one of the most powerful signals you send to your team.

So How Do You Lead When You’re the One Struggling?

Here’s what I coach leaders to practice; not just when things are tough, but especially when they are.

1. Name (but don’t dump) what you’re feeling

You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. It’s okay to say:

• “This is a hard moment.”

• “There’s a lot of unknowns right now.”

• “I’m figuring things out too.”

That kind of honesty doesn’t diminish your leadership. It humanizes it.

You don’t need to be invincible. You need to be real.

2. Stay present with your team

In uncertainty, your presence matters more than your answers. Even a quick check-in, “How are you holding up?” goes a long way.

When people are anxious, they don’t need constant reassurance. They need to know you’re there. With them. Thinking about them. Willing to engage.

3. Practice self-regulation before team communication

Before you respond, check in with yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What story am I telling myself?

• What would a calm, grounded response look like?

• How does this moment / situation need me to show up?

This isn’t about suppression. It’s about leading from awareness, not reaction.

4. Re-ground your team in what’s still true

In moments of disruption, your team needs four things (Gallup calls them the four needs of followers):

• Trust

• Stability

• Compassion

• Hope

You don’t need to deliver all four in every moment, but keep coming back to them.

“Here’s what we do know.” “Here’s what won’t change.” “We’re in this together.”

5. Get support too

Leaders need space to process. You don’t have to carry it alone.

That could be a coach, a peer, a mentor, or even a trusted colleague outside the team. The steadier you are inside, the steadier you’ll show up for others.

You Don’t Have to Hide the Hard Stuff

Leadership isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about showing up with clarity, care, and consistency even when things feel shaky.

And when your team sees you navigating uncertainty with honesty and intention? They learn how to do it too.

Because leadership isn’t about being unshakable. It’s about helping others find footing, even when the ground is shifting under you.